May 7, 2013
Happy National Teacher’s Day!
I celebrated this day by giving a CST test to 7 year olds…that’s bad. If’s even worse because it was the 11th out of 12 testing days that we as a society deemed morally and ethically appropriate to do to these little guys. I spent the last 11 days of my life watching the souls and creativity be leeched out of little brains as they tried their best to answer questions that were purposefully designed for them to fail. To be proficient on a standardized test you usually only have to get about half right…that’s right HALF which means that either we are producing some sub-par students or test makers are clinically insane…I prefer the latter reasoning. So today, I spent the time walking around in two ways…looking for lice (it’s amazing what you can see when heads are down and I have plenty of time to investigate) and dreaming of things I would rather do instead of being a testing dementor….that’s right…slowly sucking the joy out of children. Here is a list of things I would be good at doing if I wasn’t a teacher:
-A jelly maker
-A Department of Motor Vehicles drone…at least I would suck the joy out of adults and not minors
-A standardized test creator…I can be an evil genius
-A underwater photographer
-A docent at the orangutan exhibit
-A tour guide on a cruise ship for old people
-A graphic designer for informercials
-A landscape artist
-A activity coordinator at a nursing home
-A children’s librarian
After a day of dreaming I realized that I will just become a millionaire and do the things I love as hobbies instead of as a job. Now just to make my first million or two…..hmm….back to my evil genius workings!